Day of love

Man what an exciting time and the promises of success to come, with riding clothes and christmas and family and love, with emotion and family and grub and turkey, ham and roast beef. Man o man, thoughts to come when the energy to write belongs to me again

Its been so long

Writing in this journal has only been partially successful and may take a rededication of forces in order to make the most of a streaming state of mind. THings are wonderful right now, and indescribable ectasy of new emotions and refound loves, of life, of success of belonging and the new steps a man must take in order to feel comfortable inside his own skin. I look around and see the trappings of a steward of the new society building itself from the scrap of a dying breed. In my soul I find an emerging sense of worth and desire, one which will guide me down a path of leadership and values. Unfortunately there are still some things on my agenda to be finished. I have to come up with my training schedule for the next 8 months. THere's no more time to delay, I have to find some C category race, build and build and build until I feel comfortable with what I'm doing. This necessitates many of the components which I find myself surrounded by. The one thing which would complete my ability to train most efficiently is the purchase of an indoor trainer. I have swim, bike, and run when the nike free arrives. Solon is on his way and my relationship with Erica is quite strong, I find myself truly blessed and riding high. My family is good, Derek is recovering, Grandma and I have a strong special relationship, and mom and dad will be happy to hear I have started a new job (or will be starting). My life is finally on track and I feel moving in a good direction, in fact, an excellent direction. The one thing truly lacking is my dedication to the improvement of my writing, poetry and penmanship. I need to put the same dedication to all parts of my life, and I feel it will pay off. A 10 oclock start is great because it allows me to work out in the morning and take care of Solon.

We need to find some puppy literature for the little tike and get everything up to date, I'll be on point for all of this. need to set up some goals for the Xmas trip.
1. Lose 5lbs of fat and water weight.
2. Find media on puppy training and homelessness
3. Connect with family and friends
4. Snowboard once
5. Take lots of pictures
6. Get my holiday cards out

Thats enough for now, I have to go fix my bike wheel.

A medley of thoughts burst through my mind, most vanishing with the early morning fog blanketing the slopes of dear Avalon. In my dream I had a vision of a land far away in the cycle of imagination and dreams. From a viewpoint around the corner of a cliff standing on the edge of a precipice with cobbled stones pulled from the earth to form a low barrier against the inquiries of the mad and self-forsaken. Beyond this wall of stone, lies Eden, in all its home, on the far left the shining roofs of building after building rainbow their splendid iridescence towards the sky, brightening the sun with their madly golden tempered reflection. Dozens upon dozens litter that area before the mountains, and oh what mountains. They take your breath and pull it out ofyou in a long air starved gasp only halted by the swift intake of oxygen needed to keep the brain from dying so that you may continue to gaze upon their crystalled masses. Like the teeth of a shark, white sharp points piercing the gaping mouth of blue sitting on top of them. So intensely sharp as if to pierce the bubble of our atmosphere and let all of space come tumbling in. But let our gaze sweep to the right, to where an enormous lake of purest blue sits reflecting each stray bird caught peering for the bottom in their hopes to catch the silver flash of the inhabitants of that huge saucer of Neptune. Settling along the shore rises forest with spires of interwoven trees riding the undulating land to form a second haven for man, perfectly blended with the earth, save for the immense height and unmistakable geometry of the largest structures who stand among their sitting brethren, still unable to shake their very tree-like natures completely from their stilted shoulders. Beyond this port of living, collected lumber lie the fields of managed bounty, kaleidoscoping into the distance they harbor enormous grain pyramids of vibrant and powerful proportions, capable of spilling their hearty production upon the land and flooding the rivers with waves and oceans of harvested life.

This vision spoke to me, from my imagination it called, and I wish my eyes never opened for beauty lay in its voice.

Its no longer 44 weeks

When thinking about it, only about 38 weeks remain, around 260 days, some inordinate amount of hours, and a lot more minutes. Man, its 6:40 in the morning, and I got less than three hours of sleep last night, I cna't do long multiplication, long division, long addition, or, well shit, I even fail to do basic reasoning or simple witting. What is going through my mind. I'm finally starting to get my act together, start the long training, make the plans to get things done that need to be done, for instance fixing my bike's back wheel, getting an indoor trainer so I don't have to waste as much time in the gym every evening and I can get to bed earlier and spend more time with Erica if she decides to come home earlier. HOpefully this will turn out to be quality time but you can never know and so I must simply do my best. So my schedule is probably going to iron out to being Yoga every day 4:30, then breakfast at 6:30, out the door by 6:45, run to gym by 7-7:15 for an hour swim, run into work, 9-5, come home, 90-120 on the trainer, dinner at 7, sleep by 8:30. Thats pretty much a full day for me, and I don't know if I could squeeze any more time into it. Thats about 5 to 5 1/2 hours a day of exercise. I'm not sure what my weight is right now, but it should be solidly under 200. I didn't have another exorbitant weekend, although I had my fair share of drinks, most of while absorbing into my bloodstream, got a second chance to see the light of day. Quit drinking beer and hard-a guess I'll be sticking to a low cal wine diet, when I choose to drink anymore that is. Doesn't really appeal to me at this point, although the holiday cheer may change that perspective. Maybe if I get the trainer before I leave for home I can bring it home so I can continue to train, although there's all that other stuff that dad has for cross training I may not need it. Its an idea.

New ideas new ideas

How they appear early in the morning when you're waiting for your own private yoga session with yourself. So my new one is to create a nutrition book for myself, other athletes and make it applicable to the average joe. Naturally I'd have to get all my reseach done and write it in an interesting fashion, but think of the possibilities. Actually, I have to find out if the possibilties have already been thought of, so off to Amazon for me

Working on the railroad.... yesterday I worked out, and today I worked out, and tomorrow I'm planning on working out again, and then the next day, and then every day for the future. but thats all I have to say for now.

Shit, time already

So much for the once every day thing, and my fingers are so cold right now I'm not sure how long the recalcitrant motherlovers are going to bang away. Yet I will try, I have some emotions to get out in the open and on to some form of copy before they burn away through that ever-reforming wall in the middle of my emotional set. Visiting Derek was difficult, first because I had to explore all those emotions which I've so backwardly and meticulously put away in the back of my head, or perhaps somewhere nearer to my foot. To find out the things which he has done to both the family and myself, the continuing heartless manipulation and lies, those eat away at my confidence in his ability to recover. His turning to the darker and baser levels of humanity and the human soul has progressed for such a lengthy period, and the difficulties of a full conversion to a sober mindstate is a path of such difficulty, I worry and do not hold much hope for a future sober Derek, but I will give him the support even a bad brother deserves, for he is blood of my blood and born of the same mother I am. I need to call Mom and Dad, they need to hear that I'm doing ok, and the difficulty has ended for me. And if I can get on that letter a day bandwagon, then I'll be on the way to a very good day. Dealing with Derek will be difficult, he has betrayed every trust a family can give, one more betrayal and he is done in my book. Last chance dance.

The goals of today:
Mark up the calories eaten:
Continue workout plan:
Order Ironman book:
1 hour running
1 hour swimming
2 hours biking
1 hour yoga
30 min fitness cardio

If I can get in an hour and a half extra yoga/fitness cardio in per day, it'll be a very good thing. I'll do the running and the swimming this morning, the biking at 2pm, the fitness at 4:30 and the yoga at 5:30. And then I'll come home for some much needed rest. I need to place some discipline in my life otherwise I"ll never get the things done I want to. So I'll go to the gym now, first run, then swim, get back by about 12, order my book, work out the calories so far for the day, drop the stuff off at the library, research the dog fence, go on the ride, head back to the gym, do the situps, pushups, dips and pullups, do the yoga, come back, relax, write a letter, then watch some more of the world at war dvd.

That sounds like a pretty full day. To finish it off, I'll reflect again this evening with the blog. There, that only took 10 min, and well spent if you ask me.

Playing catchup

Everytime I get on a roll, I go and screw myself, but I guess that's besides the point, this weekend man did I let myself go, so many calories I might as well have not worked out for the past few months, and right now I'm scared about getting back on my bike, which is exactly what I need to do for the next three hours. I certainly have the carbs in my system to hahndle the ride, although they may have all turned to fat by now. Maybe I'll ride out to W. Newton and buy a pair, Lord knows I need them now. I wonder what the weather'll be like later this week. I have to work out like crazy in preparation for the Arizona Thanksgiving trip. I'll definitely need to bring my running shoes because I"m not thinking I'll have the chance to do much else. So I should give my shins some time to rest, which means for the next three days it'll be swimming and cycling with some yoga thrown in to boot. This chi running has not quite worked out for me yet, although I'm thinking I will get some of those Nike Frees to build up my strength in my calves ankles and legs, well, just did some reading and it looks like I'd be stregthening the whole kabosh. We'll see how it works, right now the shin splints are keeping me from doning any running, but if I can reduce the soreness I'll get back into it pretty quick I think. I'm really thinking these Nike Frees will be the answer and I can't wait to try them out, although I should probably wait until I have an income to purchase them.

I'm not tired and I feel good so its time for a bike ride, no more delays, like writing no more delays, and that and that....

A day received

In times of strife we search for new signposts to guide us through the tortuous hills of decision and consequence. And yet I meditate above the chaos, standing free from the charges of beserkers and demigogues, waiting with freed breath and unsallied thoughts, for the winds of change to dust off those guantlets of peace and once again erode the war within each heart. With time no man may die twice.

At the end of this short journey into an Association of caring and help, I do not find myself sad, for my involvement in that greater altruism lacked substance almost in its entirety. Yet at the same time I discovered a path down which I may stride with passion and ambition, knowing its intrinsic value parallels my own inner strengths, and the field of grounds before me may grow ripe with my rich harvest, given I find the chance to sow the kernels of my thoughts.

Further, While skipping along in place, a great wave of ambition and fortitude settled in a breast unused to such tidings, and found their outlet in a skillset both unmastered and truly difficult. In an Ironman I will compete, and in less than 42 weeks the power to continue and succeed and thrive must be summoned from within, for only within lies the strength to be more than I am.

Actually a little less...

At this point I only have 42 weeks left in the trial. I spent the last couple not really keeping track but its ok because my body is still feeling good, minus a little soreness at the back of my throat I hope doesn't develop into anything major (or at all) before I get insurance. Its not always easy to speak in an impartial tone to a complete stranger, and probably even harder to do it to yourself. I have 42 weeks, in 12 of them I want to lose 36lbs, about 12 a month, and in the other 30 I have to become more fit than I've ever been in my entire life. That'll probably be easy seeing as how I'm almost there right now. The only major impediments in my way are my inability to put down the dinner fork, and an equally annoying ability to convince myself its not really worth it to wake up at this hour. But I have to if I hope to succeed. A totally fair assessment. I am inflexible, but improving, and need to up the yoga practice to once a day for an hour. I can barely swim 50 meters in a row, and so I really need to get in the pool. I have to practice running, a lot, because I have trouble maintaining a 9 minute pace (I think), and I obviously have to go faster than that if I want to see myself to the end of this. And my bike is a peice of shit... Naturally my mind-numbingly frequent encounters with the pavement seldom improve it, but I figure through trial and error I'll figure out the right combo of concrete and grass at the right speed to knock everything back into order... The most immediate problems with Red are taping the handlebars, straightening out the back rim, and getting a new chain and cassette. Minor but for me, somehow major.

The really difficutl part is getting to the next step, shaping the workout plan. I have all the necessary materials to at least setup the rudimentary self-coached plan, and most of it is decided. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are swim and run days, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays are cycle, long yoga days. But getting down all the exercises I'll be performing during these various workouts. Over 1000 hours of working out in the next 42. Seems like a lot, but I'll need every bit of it. 9pm-530am... Everyday sleep allotments, except now its 1203am and even though I'm really tired, I can't seem to put together all the peices of that sleep puzzle. But I guess I"m off to try again. Until the next misadventure in trust.