"Bring it on," she said in a wickedly humorous soft undertone. "Who me?" I responded quickly, now wondering what the hell I was getting myself into. "Yeah you pipsqueak! Wake the hell up!" my alarm clock once again screamed with pitiless ferocity. I think my alarm clock must be a "she" because the merciless, vengeance driven attacks could only stem from those double-chromosome roots. A masculine alarm clock would simply buzz me once, perhaps blowing out an eardrum or two, but with no subtlety, no holding back, and no extending pain, unless perhaps its a Syrian torture alarm clock, then all bets are off. But a feminine clock builds and builds, slowly but surely, starting off with a small buzz, but gaining in momentum until before I know it, a headache has foundered in that slight chasm behind the left temporal lobe, cascading that emotionless nagging into those pure, simple places which relax me as I'm waking up. Give me the shotgun blast, the needles walking up my spine just don't do me any good.
5am
Up and out by 5:15, the air is a little chillier than I expected with the 85 degree forecast but I'll survive and I leave my sleeves at home. 10 minutes later I enter the gym and check the weight. 193. Going down, pretty much. I'll take it... And then I enter, the pool room, where at 5:30am 5 people have already swarmed the 3 miniscule lanes, pushing themselves up and down the pool by pure willpower. I know this because their form should have been actually sending them backwards in the pool and while I stood there watching their odd defiance of the laws of physics, a sly little lady almost snuck into my lane but luckily I whipped out my my sterling gold goggles, knocked her into a trash chute and began my workout. My endurance seems to be going up, and I was doing 100 yards sets without too much trouble, although for some reason my tight chest wouldn't let mem breathe as properly as I needed. Without taking the rather drastic approach of adding a set of lungs in my armpit cavities, I finally managed to get the bubbles to flow out of my nose in a fairly predictable manner. I'm just hoping when I show up tomorrow morning there won't be a full deck of swimmers waiting to mangle the water (irreparable of course) with their piston stroke mechanics.
Off to the ride I went, and finding myself promptly lost, I proceeded to increase my exposure by pretending to ride backwards down the wrong side of the street. Successful, unfortunately, no. Widely imaginative, an astounding YES! But I did manage to find my way back home an hour later where a strangely intransigent puppy both refused to run with me, and later refused to walk. I believe his most valuable moment of the morning was when he pretended to be a bucking horse on a long tether and ran circles around me trying to achieve freedom from my mostly nonviolent methods of confinement. Why he choses to leave the treats in my hand for the poop on the ground is a question none of our psychologists can answer for me. Maybe its time to revisit that voodoo mistress who set me up with the new Cadillac.
Live crazier
5am
Up and out by 5:15, the air is a little chillier than I expected with the 85 degree forecast but I'll survive and I leave my sleeves at home. 10 minutes later I enter the gym and check the weight. 193. Going down, pretty much. I'll take it... And then I enter, the pool room, where at 5:30am 5 people have already swarmed the 3 miniscule lanes, pushing themselves up and down the pool by pure willpower. I know this because their form should have been actually sending them backwards in the pool and while I stood there watching their odd defiance of the laws of physics, a sly little lady almost snuck into my lane but luckily I whipped out my my sterling gold goggles, knocked her into a trash chute and began my workout. My endurance seems to be going up, and I was doing 100 yards sets without too much trouble, although for some reason my tight chest wouldn't let mem breathe as properly as I needed. Without taking the rather drastic approach of adding a set of lungs in my armpit cavities, I finally managed to get the bubbles to flow out of my nose in a fairly predictable manner. I'm just hoping when I show up tomorrow morning there won't be a full deck of swimmers waiting to mangle the water (irreparable of course) with their piston stroke mechanics.
Off to the ride I went, and finding myself promptly lost, I proceeded to increase my exposure by pretending to ride backwards down the wrong side of the street. Successful, unfortunately, no. Widely imaginative, an astounding YES! But I did manage to find my way back home an hour later where a strangely intransigent puppy both refused to run with me, and later refused to walk. I believe his most valuable moment of the morning was when he pretended to be a bucking horse on a long tether and ran circles around me trying to achieve freedom from my mostly nonviolent methods of confinement. Why he choses to leave the treats in my hand for the poop on the ground is a question none of our psychologists can answer for me. Maybe its time to revisit that voodoo mistress who set me up with the new Cadillac.
Live crazier
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